Maturity...

Sometimes I worry that my faith is not what it was. Now that I'm not faced everyday with the task of bringing young people on in their faith, I have less opportunity to stretch my own. My life has less formal prayer, bible study and worship. Less talk of revival, of this 'generation' or exciting analogy's purporting to be God's word.

So is my faith dry and tired? Am I old and cynical? Has my shallow 'role-based' faith been exposed? Well today I decided... actually no! I don't feel dry, tired or old. A little cynical at times but it helps me get by and keep things real. I feel alive, inspired and still living out God's calling on my life. Things are just different and God finds me in a different context and speaks through me in different ways. Without wanting to 'spit on my roots' I feel as if much of my previous ways of expressing myself and my faith were simply froth and excitement. That froth as died away and I am left with an acute awareness of something far more awesome, steadfast and everlasting. There are many things to be worried about and feel responsible for but I know that God will never let me and my family down.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ¹²"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.

Jeremiah 23:11-12

On other matters... for many months now I have been deliberating on the tricky question of chicken run or playhouse for the boys. Knowing from the start what the answer would be I have been delaying out of pure stubbornness. I have finally conceded and started building the boys their fort out of old palettes and off cuts. stage one...

What kind of person are you...

We've all done them. You know those silly little quiz things in magazines where you're asked to answer a few inane questions and then tell you what kind of person you are!

This week I've found myself thinking about what sought of person I am or at least would like to be. I guess as a man, husband and father I've always thought I'd like to be assertive, in control and generally taking on life's challenges but the death of a friend has made me re-think. She was quiet, shy, giggly and timid on the surface but underneath it was clear to those who knew her that she didn't care what people thought of her and was determined to live as God wanted her to. To this end she was generous, thoughtful, she would always compliment and flatter, see the best in a situation and try to live, speak and be God's word to others.

I guess the most important thing is that we are true to what and how God calls us to be. This is hardest at work where most people I interact with on a daily basis have a pretty radically different world view. This means a daily battle to be in the world but not of it. This was especially brought to mind during a recent staff meeting where massive budget cuts where being discussed. The feeling of anger, worry and fear was tangible and some times vocalised. We where even asked to come up with ideas ourselves for how the cuts could be made. I remarked at one point that it felt like being asked to do open heart surgery... on yourself!

I could feel the same feelings of dread rising in me as I was having very real thoughts about being unable to provide for my wife and 5 boys or pay the mortgage. Whilst my logical self was working out how likely I am to have a job in a years time my spirit was sure that there was a better way to approach this.

When I returned home I read this...

Psalm 3

A Psalm by David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

3:1 Yahweh, how my adversaries have increased!

Many are those who rise up against me.

3:2 Many there are who say of my soul,

“There is no help for him in God.”

Selah.

3:3 But you, Yahweh, are a shield around me,

my glory, and the one who lifts up my head.

3:4 I cry to Yahweh with my voice,

and he answers me out of his holy hill.

Selah.

3:5 I laid myself down and slept.

I awakened; for Yahweh sustains me.

3:6 I will not be afraid of tens of thousands of people

who have set themselves against me on every side.

3:7 Arise, Yahweh!

Save me, my God! 

 

nuff said!

Birthday Season...

Little Reuben was two weeks old yesterday and adds to a growing number of family and friends with a Birthday in May/June.

Eron, 4 today is easy to please, he simply loves having a fuss made of him as we all do I surpose. That's exactly what he got today custersy of his hard working Mum who made a cake, organised for family to come round and bought presents despite her fragile state. His Birthday is on Saturday when more mayhem will ensue and once again Naomi will shine I'm sure.

I'm now right back into things having had two weeks paternity leave. I'm determined to master the art of having a demanding job but not allowing it to dominate my every thought. A work in progress!

What's been occuring...

This has been the last weekend of my two week paternity leave. It's been a lovely weekend of parental triumphs and memories revisited told here in pictures. The two weeks has been lovely in parts but emotionally draining in others. Waiting and anticipating something so big, for so long builds up like an invisible boil which then bursts making a great big emotional mess of relief, joy, stress, exhaustion and even a little emptiness. It's taken two weeks to recover my equilibrium and now I'm faced with going back to work tomorrow.

So to the weekend...

The boys have been asking to go swimming for ages so I promised them a trip to Horsham pool on Friday after school. The powers that be say I can't look after three of my children in the pool at the same time so I had to just take the oldest two. When it came to it I wasn't looking forward to this outing as I ached from a bike ride in the Park the day before and a late night at the curry house and then watching the election results come in. Cadan and Ben enjoyed it hugely though and this gave me the usual feeling of achievement and satisfaction so was well worth the effort

I also promised the three eldest a day in the woods building a camp and lighting a fire. A big ask I know. Fortunately (and unknowingly) I had prepared for this event twenty years ago by spending a good deal of my teenage years on similar activities. I hoped to find my old 'camp' but wasn't sure what would be left. I was amazed to find that it was still there complete with fence, shelter and fire place. The boys had previously found these woods scary and Eron did have a wobbly moment when we arrived because he thought foxes might eat us! Once we'd made the place ours and got the fire going they all became calm and tranquil. The fire cracked, the birds sang and sausages sizzled! Proper boys own stuff.

After these two adventurous outings some time to relax at home was needed. With church out of the way this morning the afternoon was spent mooching at home. Just what the doctor ordered. And what a lovely, God-given home it is. Having watched the Grand Prix, played with Eron, watched Ray Mears track Wolves and uploaded photos, we cooked roast ham. Yum!

As well as little Reuben the house and garden are full of new life of a more horticultural kind. We are growing veg again this year. The BBC sent us carrots, courgettes, beans and salad free of charge! We've not had huge success in the past but despite my temptation to be cynical about our chances this time, I can't help but smile at these new shoots.

Decisions, decisions

 

I'm no political cono sur and like many people I find arguing politicians, tiresome at best and down right infuriating at worst. I'm not one for an argument either (probably why I always turn over Eastenders) so seeing people try to reach decisions about running our country by means of bickering always struck me as strange. In my older age (34 now!) I have grown to appreciate the value of debate and discussion and give politicians slightly more credit, although at times they still resemble children squabbling . The expenses scandal sickened me and whilst I try not to think with prejudice I can't help being cynical. 

With all this in mind I find it hard to summon up the energy to engage in the process of choosing the next set of bickering, crooked politicians to mess things up (I told you I was cynical!). Despite this I did feel it my duty to at least form some sort of opinion and have kept one begrudging eye on the proceedings. 

My thinking has been... Labour have done some things well and screwed other things right up. The Tories did some things well and screwed other things right up and Lib dems I suspect, would do some things well and screw other things right up. So I think I'll be forgiven for surmising who ever gets in next will do some things well and screw other things right up.

So all I want is a party that can resist the urge to allow power to corrupt and be honest, open, dignified and honourable. Is that too much to ask? Of course my decision is not helped by the fact that the political tid-bits that I am served by the media cannot really be trusted. So my decision boils down to crude gut instinct, influenced by all the news stories, broadcasts, interviews and debates that come my way between now and polling day.