Maturity...

Sometimes I worry that my faith is not what it was. Now that I'm not faced everyday with the task of bringing young people on in their faith, I have less opportunity to stretch my own. My life has less formal prayer, bible study and worship. Less talk of revival, of this 'generation' or exciting analogy's purporting to be God's word.

So is my faith dry and tired? Am I old and cynical? Has my shallow 'role-based' faith been exposed? Well today I decided... actually no! I don't feel dry, tired or old. A little cynical at times but it helps me get by and keep things real. I feel alive, inspired and still living out God's calling on my life. Things are just different and God finds me in a different context and speaks through me in different ways. Without wanting to 'spit on my roots' I feel as if much of my previous ways of expressing myself and my faith were simply froth and excitement. That froth as died away and I am left with an acute awareness of something far more awesome, steadfast and everlasting. There are many things to be worried about and feel responsible for but I know that God will never let me and my family down.

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. ¹²"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen.

Jeremiah 23:11-12

On other matters... for many months now I have been deliberating on the tricky question of chicken run or playhouse for the boys. Knowing from the start what the answer would be I have been delaying out of pure stubbornness. I have finally conceded and started building the boys their fort out of old palettes and off cuts. stage one...

What kind of person are you...

We've all done them. You know those silly little quiz things in magazines where you're asked to answer a few inane questions and then tell you what kind of person you are!

This week I've found myself thinking about what sought of person I am or at least would like to be. I guess as a man, husband and father I've always thought I'd like to be assertive, in control and generally taking on life's challenges but the death of a friend has made me re-think. She was quiet, shy, giggly and timid on the surface but underneath it was clear to those who knew her that she didn't care what people thought of her and was determined to live as God wanted her to. To this end she was generous, thoughtful, she would always compliment and flatter, see the best in a situation and try to live, speak and be God's word to others.

I guess the most important thing is that we are true to what and how God calls us to be. This is hardest at work where most people I interact with on a daily basis have a pretty radically different world view. This means a daily battle to be in the world but not of it. This was especially brought to mind during a recent staff meeting where massive budget cuts where being discussed. The feeling of anger, worry and fear was tangible and some times vocalised. We where even asked to come up with ideas ourselves for how the cuts could be made. I remarked at one point that it felt like being asked to do open heart surgery... on yourself!

I could feel the same feelings of dread rising in me as I was having very real thoughts about being unable to provide for my wife and 5 boys or pay the mortgage. Whilst my logical self was working out how likely I am to have a job in a years time my spirit was sure that there was a better way to approach this.

When I returned home I read this...

Psalm 3

A Psalm by David, when he fled from Absalom his son.

3:1 Yahweh, how my adversaries have increased!

Many are those who rise up against me.

3:2 Many there are who say of my soul,

“There is no help for him in God.”

Selah.

3:3 But you, Yahweh, are a shield around me,

my glory, and the one who lifts up my head.

3:4 I cry to Yahweh with my voice,

and he answers me out of his holy hill.

Selah.

3:5 I laid myself down and slept.

I awakened; for Yahweh sustains me.

3:6 I will not be afraid of tens of thousands of people

who have set themselves against me on every side.

3:7 Arise, Yahweh!

Save me, my God! 

 

nuff said!

Birthday Season...

Little Reuben was two weeks old yesterday and adds to a growing number of family and friends with a Birthday in May/June.

Eron, 4 today is easy to please, he simply loves having a fuss made of him as we all do I surpose. That's exactly what he got today custersy of his hard working Mum who made a cake, organised for family to come round and bought presents despite her fragile state. His Birthday is on Saturday when more mayhem will ensue and once again Naomi will shine I'm sure.

I'm now right back into things having had two weeks paternity leave. I'm determined to master the art of having a demanding job but not allowing it to dominate my every thought. A work in progress!

What's been occuring...

This has been the last weekend of my two week paternity leave. It's been a lovely weekend of parental triumphs and memories revisited told here in pictures. The two weeks has been lovely in parts but emotionally draining in others. Waiting and anticipating something so big, for so long builds up like an invisible boil which then bursts making a great big emotional mess of relief, joy, stress, exhaustion and even a little emptiness. It's taken two weeks to recover my equilibrium and now I'm faced with going back to work tomorrow.

So to the weekend...

The boys have been asking to go swimming for ages so I promised them a trip to Horsham pool on Friday after school. The powers that be say I can't look after three of my children in the pool at the same time so I had to just take the oldest two. When it came to it I wasn't looking forward to this outing as I ached from a bike ride in the Park the day before and a late night at the curry house and then watching the election results come in. Cadan and Ben enjoyed it hugely though and this gave me the usual feeling of achievement and satisfaction so was well worth the effort

I also promised the three eldest a day in the woods building a camp and lighting a fire. A big ask I know. Fortunately (and unknowingly) I had prepared for this event twenty years ago by spending a good deal of my teenage years on similar activities. I hoped to find my old 'camp' but wasn't sure what would be left. I was amazed to find that it was still there complete with fence, shelter and fire place. The boys had previously found these woods scary and Eron did have a wobbly moment when we arrived because he thought foxes might eat us! Once we'd made the place ours and got the fire going they all became calm and tranquil. The fire cracked, the birds sang and sausages sizzled! Proper boys own stuff.

After these two adventurous outings some time to relax at home was needed. With church out of the way this morning the afternoon was spent mooching at home. Just what the doctor ordered. And what a lovely, God-given home it is. Having watched the Grand Prix, played with Eron, watched Ray Mears track Wolves and uploaded photos, we cooked roast ham. Yum!

As well as little Reuben the house and garden are full of new life of a more horticultural kind. We are growing veg again this year. The BBC sent us carrots, courgettes, beans and salad free of charge! We've not had huge success in the past but despite my temptation to be cynical about our chances this time, I can't help but smile at these new shoots.

Decisions, decisions

 

I'm no political cono sur and like many people I find arguing politicians, tiresome at best and down right infuriating at worst. I'm not one for an argument either (probably why I always turn over Eastenders) so seeing people try to reach decisions about running our country by means of bickering always struck me as strange. In my older age (34 now!) I have grown to appreciate the value of debate and discussion and give politicians slightly more credit, although at times they still resemble children squabbling . The expenses scandal sickened me and whilst I try not to think with prejudice I can't help being cynical. 

With all this in mind I find it hard to summon up the energy to engage in the process of choosing the next set of bickering, crooked politicians to mess things up (I told you I was cynical!). Despite this I did feel it my duty to at least form some sort of opinion and have kept one begrudging eye on the proceedings. 

My thinking has been... Labour have done some things well and screwed other things right up. The Tories did some things well and screwed other things right up and Lib dems I suspect, would do some things well and screw other things right up. So I think I'll be forgiven for surmising who ever gets in next will do some things well and screw other things right up.

So all I want is a party that can resist the urge to allow power to corrupt and be honest, open, dignified and honourable. Is that too much to ask? Of course my decision is not helped by the fact that the political tid-bits that I am served by the media cannot really be trusted. So my decision boils down to crude gut instinct, influenced by all the news stories, broadcasts, interviews and debates that come my way between now and polling day.

Reuben Welch

Well it's been 4 months since my last post so I guess it was always gonna take something pretty major to warrant a return to the 'blogosphere', and here is that something pretty major!

Before the birth of no.1 I worried a lot about holding him, I had horrible visions of me dropping him and had to shake myself to stop me dwelling on it. The reality was that once he was in my arms he was a perfect fit , almost as if my arms were made with the shape of my children in mind. It was my brother in law that pointed out how natural we looked as I stood texting with one hand and cradling with the other. Now, five boys on, and still nothing beats the feeling of a new born baby's head nestled in the crook of my arm.

Little Reuben Welch was born on Monday by planned Caesarian section. A pretty undignified procedure by all accounts. The mystery of child birth is taken away when the nurse gives you a date weeks in advance. But hey at least we could plan! Working out school runs, playschool pick up and other child care matters was pretty complicated and Naomi's planning was military. Then there's the waiting. We arrived at the hospital at midday having dispatched all our children, only to find that we wouldn't be going in until 3pm which turned out to be 4pm. So four hours sat in a room waiting isn't great for the nerves. This is punctuated by various health professionals coming in to have their own little chat, specific to their role in the procedure. Finally the moment comes when your loved one is strapped to the bed and made more helpless than you've ever seen her while you turn on the brave face. Time flew and the hospital staff were chatty and light hearted given the circumstances. They took Reuben straight out and laid him on Naomi for a first cuddle. He is a tiny, helpless but perfectly formed 6lb 7oz.

Reuben has a ready made fan club who have been as anxious as I have been and now share my relief and joy. They visited him in hospital and were really excited to hear that he and Naomi were back on Wednesday, a day earlier than expected. I've been overwhelmed by the warmth and kindness of family and friends who would be forgiven for getting a little tired of us by no. 5. Instead they have pored out affection in all sorts of ways from the soppy to the practical and everything is very much appreciated.

So now we go about reconstructing our lives with a fifth child. Some say we're mad, some say stupid or even wrong but here we are, no going back and there's not a fibre in me that would want to. Yes their hard work, time consuming, expensive and all the other things people keep reminding us of but are the alternative lifestyles more attractive? My kids are my hobby, my indulgence, my free time and my obsession and I love it.

More posts to come...

Life moves on...

One minute there all scrunched up in your arms and the next minute you turn around and they're climbing up everything and anything insight. Noah is in fact an unaccomplished climber of furniture and is surprisingly sure footed. We were watching the Ibex on BBC One's 'Life' and noticing some similarities as the mountain goat charged up and down fearlessly on almost shear cliffs.

Cadan is also making us proud with his surprising venture into singing. He is in the school choir and will be singing at an event this weekend. If I'm honest I wasn't sure he'd stick with it but when I pick him up after choir practice his demeanor is always peaceful and happy. Perhaps it's the cathartic properties of group singing or the break from his usual crowd of friends. Which ever it is it seems to be doing him some good.

My news is that my job will be changing soon. It's been a long time coming really and a role that I've had my eye on for about ten years or so. I'll be running the Sylvia Beaufoy Youth Centre in Petworth with some responsibilities for some other youth service provision in the area. I'm really happy to be taking on this role but obviously really gutted to be giving up my present 'mobile' role. It's been two and a half years now, many projects and numerous young people. When I took on the role the project was at a low and I was fresh out of Uni. I've built up a staff team and seen things go from strength to strength. So it's kind of my baby. Just as hard as giving up my 'baby' is taking over someone else's 'baby'. It'll be quite a challenge but one I can't wait to get my teeth into.

In other news... I spent last weekend putting Nyoms products on the crafters site Etsy whilst Nyom ordered various things for Christmas presents on Amazon, Argos and Ebay. Christmas is strange thing really. Obviously there's the celebration of Jesus' birth but after that it seems to be an obligatory spending of buckets of cash. Not that I mind giving but is it really giving when we all feel obliged to do it? Is there an option? Could I just not give anything to anyone and maybe do it in March when I had a bit more money? No. People would be offended. I've often toyed with other ideas like no gifts just dinner parties to spend time with loved ones or spending limits or secret Santa but it's hard to overt a cultural tidal wave!

Something from the Weekend...

Some pictures from this weekend... and what a weekend!

Friday - Work then Noah's Birthday tea with presents and cake then a trip up town to visit the Fair
Saturday - Music rehearsal, wedding, reception, Kids home for tea and bed then back to the reception for a meal and music
Sunday - Church where I was leading worship then Noah's dedication then back home and some time spent on the computer getting Naomi's bags ready for sale online.

Phew, we are both very tired now and beginning to get crabby at each other. It's that familiar point at which normal communication breaks down and presumption and offence take over - not a happy place! Still all is good now. Kissed, made up, Kids in bed, wine in stomach/head! and Ray Mears soothes us both with tales of Canadian adventures of years ago.

Jo's wedding was lovely but exhausting. The best bit was the ceremony as usual. I sat filled with excitement and solemnity in equal measure as Jo and James embarked on their journey. At one point I took a deep breath and simply thought 'I hope they make it'. Not because I thought they wouldn't but because my naive view of marriage has been rocked in recent years by the break down of relationships that I presumed would always be.

Celebrating Noah's birthday was beautiful too. He has been so smiley, happy and full of life. Each child is different and special. Someone prayed this morning that we would have time for each of them. Amen! I'm also aware though, that in a big family they start to have time for each other. Yes having many kids is a stretch for my affections but they have each others too. A precious thing. As the Word puts it 'How wonderful and pleasant it is when brothers live together in harmony!'

Here's one I made earlier

So here's what I can make...

And here's what she can make...

You can see which of us is more talented and which is more... well fat!

After my plans for a productive weekend of garden DIY were scuppered by 60mph winds, I turned another job which could be accomplished from the safety of our dinning room. No not eating! Photographing and cataloguing Naomi's stock. Nyom has been bags of several sizes, little people, little houses and jewellery for ages now and so has tons of stock. We want to sell them on Etsy but obviously needed to have a few pics of each one and catalogue them so she knows what's on sale where and can track each item.

This was no mean feat especially with four boys (Jedi's!) rampaging around the house hitting each other with Light-Sabers and watching Star Wars films over and over. Anyway we got it pretty much done so they should be on sale soon.

We also popped over to Butts Meadow for brisk walk and a cup of tea. This almost ended up as a full-blown Sunday lunch but as we had not planned for this we resisted and cracked on with the bags.

Back to work tomorrow. It's been yet another tense weekend. As I get no jobs done during the week, weekend is very pressured. I constantly find myself torn between getting 'jobs' done that make our life easier and just surrendering myself into entertaining the boys. The latter I thoroughly enjoy of course but as I do not have evenings to spend the whole week seeing things that need doing and thinking 'I'll do that this weekend'. Perhaps the answer is to mix and match and hopefully minimise the compromise born by either.

Silly hair cut...

That's right the silly hair cut is back but she still loves me :-)... just making the most of a receding hair line!

So what's new?
Well my job ticks on. I still enjoy my work with young people and get huge satisfaction from it. I only wish my efforts were rewarded with a larger pay packet. Money, houses, providing for the little ones and all those things parents worry about have been keeping me up recently. It's amazing how the human brain has an unstoppable ability to make stuff up and worry about it. Why I don't recall the countless times I have found myself with exactly what I need, I'm not sure.

What else?
Well I have a new motorbike...

It's heavier, more expensive to run and harder and more uncomfortable to ride! Hey but it's faster and cooler. The jury is still out as to whether this was a good decision but I'll give it some more time.

and finally...
I'm currently trying to get some jobs done around the house and garden. They're not difficult jobs, they won't even take that long but things seem to move at a snails pace when it comes to jobs outside of the average days usual crazy schedule. I want to put a couple of coats of gloss on our old-school wooden windows, build a BBQ area with some old bricks I have, build a chicken run and erect to bike shelter. Not much really. The trouble is, as time passes with no progress on any of the current jobs, I keep thinking of new jobs. I plan to get some stuff done this weekend despite the predicted terrible weather.

Well if that's not a blogging cliff hanger I don't know what is! Tune in next time to find out what jobs Jonny got done!

it's been a while...

Goodness gracious, it's been nearly a month since my last blog entry! It's strange looking at the last few posts with pictures of all our summer fun. They seem even more distance if I look up and see the rain beating against the window. September treated us with some amazing later summer beauty before October kicked us up the bottom with some nasty weather.

So here is the news...

* We're pregnant again and Nyom is very tired
* Work is good with new projects and new teenagers set up and running
* We're painting our retro wood-framed windows
* Noah is turning in to some kind of Viking warrior pillaging the entire house at every available opportunity
* Eunice has a new house and it's all hands on deck to get her out of Brookside and into her new place
* I'm gonna try my hand at building a brick wall
* We're hoping to get some chickens
* The boys are all still an absolute blessing
* er
* I think that's it

Spider Sense...

It seems to be that time of year when our eight legged friends begin to feel a little nippy and move in with us. Of course to many they are not 'friends' and finding one of these in the bath in the morning can be something of a fright. Personally and if I'm really honest, I've not been terribly keen either, until recently that is.

I pride myself on being open minded and recently challenged myself to look at our new house mates in a new way. Rather than screaming, running, squashing or mashing I decided to look. After really looking and noticing the amazing colours, shades, tones and patterns I began to watch. It then seemed rather silly that I'd been so afraid of these tiny, delicate and amazing creatures.

I was recently at some training which was about something rather pretentiously called 'Neuro Linguistic Programming'. Wikipedia (totally reliable fount of all knowledge!) describes NLP as being 'concerned with the relationship between successful patterns of behaviour and the subjective experiences (esp. patterns of thought) underlying them.' Why do I bring this up? Well I realised that if by simply changing the way that I imagined and thought about something (spiders) then I could change my experience of it. I recently applied the same mental discipline to my unrequited desire for some time on my mountain bike. Rather than seeing a bike ride as being a selfish act that confirms my lack of fitness or free time, I decided to imagine myself enjoying the open air with a smile on my face and the wind in my hair. Simple I know but it totally changed the way that I felt when I thought of going for a ride. Before I knew it I was off and loving it! These little victory's made me think that anything was possible and within reason it is!

See Sia..

I was watching Later with Jools Holland the other night when I really should have been in bed because it was far too late. Anyway, there was some great stuff including Coldplay, who in my opinion were even outshone by this act, Sia. Have a listen. This song really moved me. I'm not sure why. There's the unique voice and vocal style, the beautiful melancholia song, the way that she moves and signs to the lyrics and the way that she is completely herself. Probably all of the above. See what you think...

Wild Cornwall...

Back from our travels! Wild, windy and wet but truly great times. Going away at this time of year works for me. It feels like new year, as indeed it is for those of us in education. It's a chance to draw a line under everything and anything that happened since last September and take some time out before the madness ensues once more.

So how was it? Well after the long build up sorting trailers and packing we finally set off on the long journey stopping at the Cartgate picnic area for lunch as planned. We arrived to find that the others in our party had opted for the 'leave at the crack of dawn' start to their holiday and had already setup camp. Communal camping isn't for everyone and it is ultimately a trade off. You loose a certain amount of privacy and control but gain the company, the laughs and ultimately a shared experience. Our fellow happy campers were old friends from the Epsom/Ewell area. Wonderful people who we don't see very often but when we do, we feel as if we've not been apart. During the days we'd muck in together helping with each others kids, making mass-picnics, sharing cars and children's baths. In the evenings we took it in turns to cook for each other, sharing drinks and points of view on life.

We were camped Watergate Bay, a surfing mecca and a beautiful place. A short walk across the cliffs from the beach and a short drive from shops and civilisation. Our days consisted of trips to the beach, mooching around the campsite and trips out. One such trip out was to St Ives to take in some of the famous light. Again truly beautiful. Two years ago we went to Bude which didn't quite live up to my image of wild and wonderful Cornwall. Watergate Bay and surrounding, Porth, St Ives, Mawgan Porth etc were a different matter, totally mind blowing. The wind and rain seemed to add to the rugged charm and I was sad to leave. I know others struggle with bad weather and sand in your pants but for a reason I've not yet been able to put my finger on, I loved it.

After a nine hour drive through bank holiday traffic on the A303 we were home. After such a wonderful holiday I'm now left feeling melancholy and feeling distinctly Autumy! The mountains of washing and clearing up doesn't help, not to mention the odd pile of eager leaves by the side of the road. However the new term beckons and I shall put my mind to it... tomorrow!

Off we go again...

Looks good doesn't it! Well I guess we'll see how our holiday 'develops before us'! Part of me can't wait but there are so many things that could make or break our time away. There's the weather, the car, the rickety trailer, the site, the kids and the group dynamics. there's also the journey which I've been planning today with the high tech help of Dad's Sat-Nav, google the AA and the Somerset tourist info website! The Campsite is in Cornwall but in order to be well prepared I've found us a picnic site half way. Cartgate Picnic area off the 303 in fact!



Now that I have the journey sorter I feel slightly better and I can crack on with the rest of the preparation. Packing, checking, re-packing and loading. This time we don't have Dan's huge and luxurious trailer with roof rack. Instead I've borrowed Tim's which hasn't been used for some time. One tyre needed pumping up and will go down slowly, the lights didn't work, the key to the hitch-lock has long since disappeared and it's tiny. So a bit of DIY and elbow grease was needed to sort the lock and attach our old topbox. We've got the Dan's bike rack too so hopfully we'll be ok but who know's untill the boxes start being loaded. Bring on the adventure!

The Summer So Far...

My last post was smack bang in the middle of a four day residential with five lively lads. That was followed by a fun day in Camelsdale, six youth road show events and now an evening project in Petworth. All of which is just one half of my life. The other has been pretty hectic too with Noah constantly on the move and driving Naomi crazy in just the cutest way possible and the others remembering how to get on with each other. We also had a long weekend in the New Forest with Nyoms family. So pretty busy really.

The New forest trip was great fun. Even in the torrential rain which came just before we'd finished putting up our tent, I still had a childish grin on my face, just so pleased to be in the great outdoors. We were attacked by horses, paddled in rivers and enjoyed fish and chips around a camp fire and best of all I got some great 'Dad time'. This summer has made me think just how precious my boys are to me and how blessed I am to have them.

Right now we're getting ready to head off to Cornwall with the tent on ce more. There's plenty to do; sorting the trailer, packing, a hair cut, finishing work stuff, I just hope this holiday will match up to the last. Camping holidays always seem like a bit of a gamble. They can be magical or misery. We'll see!

Day three done, one more to go...

Yep, feeling tired now. I'm not sure why. I think it's all the walking around the grounds here and taking part in workshops all day but most of all it's being responsible for ten of someone else's children all day and night for three days. Constantly thinking of the next thing that needs doing and keeping everyone safe and happy, it takes it's toll you know.

So far though, it has been rewarding. It is clear to see that the activities and events has challenged and provoked the young people to think about themselves and their future careers. Of course it's not just about the workshop activities but the people involved too. One of the workshop facilitators is a sweet guy who spent many years working in a factory spray painting but over a long period of time re-trained and now spends his days in the woods teaching survival skills and forestry management. He is quite and slow with his words but has the group eating out his hands very quickly because he is genuine, doesn't talk down to them and they can relate to him. There are many unnatural educators working but this guys a natural.

So what have I learnt from all this? Well there was a few forms I could have got together quicker, the evenings are worth planning activities for and this is a much better target group but most of all it's reminded me again that I want my kids to know what the woods smell like, how to light a fire and how to stop and appreciate what's around you.

Day One done...

Day one of this years 'Spring-Line' residential is almost over with everyone now at least in their rooms if not asleep. The project is a response to the decline in young people taking up traditional conservation skills as careers or hobbies. The week involves a number workshops at the Sustainability Centre in East Meon and a day's workshops at the Weald & downland Open Air Museum.

The Sustainability Centre is a lovely place to be. An ex-military building now in the hands of the Earthworks Trust who use the place as an educational centre for those wishing to find out more about sustainable living. There are a number of schools who regularly visit as well as courses in anything from bush craft to dead hedging being run from the centre. There are families living on site in Yurts, a natural burial site and small businesses like Darren the shingle maker all existing together in an idyllic community together with nature - no really, it's all very hippy... but relevant!

My role is to help the young people get the most out of the week (that includes kicking them where appropriate!) and as the picture above shows, record the weeks events for posterity (and funding!) on my digital cameras.

I'm going away tomorrow on what we call in the business a 'residential'. These usually involve excessive tiredness but unforgettable memories. I usually lose sleep before taking a group of other people's children away and this is no exception. Once the worry has subsided though I'm sure it'll be fine... watch this space I guess!

The rest of my summer work schedule involves driving my big youth Bus around taking it to youth service 'roadshows' and summer events. This too should be lots of fun but not a patch on the camping holiday waiting for us at the other end. Two weeks in Cornwall with some precious friends who we don't get to see often enough. It's our first holiday in two years so bring it on! Rain, snow, hurricane, I'll be there on the beach with the kids building sand castles because I deserve it!!!

Thoughts so far...

Well I said I'd let you know how I got on with my latest escapist toilet reading and hear I am to do just that.

Having got a little way through the first chapter I began to think that this was nothing more than a guy having a mid-life crisis and telling me all about it. To some extent I guess that's what it is but wait, it's so much more too! Yes it's another adventure where a guy escapes the trappings of modern life to see things, meet people and have experiences but already it seems that there is an element of self discovery about this journey as well.

Maybe the term 'mid-life crisis' is too dismissive, as if there is no value in taking time out, to do no more than go on a journey and see what it teaches you.

As well as the deep and meaningfuls there's also bucket loads of sumptuously written descriptions of life on the water. From the nervy moments at the first lock to the peace of still water and the soporific affect of life in the slow lane Paul Gogerty is a proper writer! I mean I enjoyed Long Way... but this guy sculpts images in my mind with words. Proper writer!

Having four kids and a busy life means that I've only just reached chapter three. So much has happened already in this multifaceted journey. One part which touched me was this poem written by the authors seriously ill father in law who the writer unexpectedly takes time out of his journey to visit in hospital. If you've been forced to consider death and all that that means for the body and soul as it closes its grip, you maybe touched too.

Pathology of Colours

I know the colour rose, and it is lovely,
but not when it ripens in a tumour;
and healing greens, leaves and grass, so springlike,
in limbs that fester are not springlike.

I have seen red-blue tinged with hirsute mauve
in the plum-skin face of a suicide.
I have seen white, china white almost, stare
from behind the smashed windscreen of a car.

And the criminal, multi-coloured flash
of an H-bomb is no more beautiful
than an autopsy when the belly's opened -
to show cathedral windows never opened.

So in the simple blessing of a rainbow,
in the bevelled edge of a sunlit mirror,
I have seen, visible, Death's artifact
like a soldier's ribbon on a tunic tacked.

Copyright from New and Collected Poems (Hutchinson, 2003), copyright © Dannie Abse 2003, used by permission of the author